Overwhelming. Exciting. Blunt. Fake. Real.

Not necessarily in that order but largely can be classified in to those tags.

Well, let’s for a moment get out of the internet world and talk as in real life. How many times we hear people bragging, meaningless rants, self obsessed promises, vague concerns – things like that? All the time.

At first you smile forcibly and then you begin to think – why in the world?

Well, like it or not that’s how it is and you got to deal with it. How?

Two letters. S and O. So. Let me unveil to you, the power of SO.

Think of the SO as an auto reply button.

Every time someone makes a statement to you, you auto reply.

Example 1: “Hey, this guy on Facebook accepted my friend request! Yay!”

Your reply: So ?

Example 2: A facebook update: “Went para gliding today – what a great experience?”

Your reply: So ?

Its as simple as that. All you got to ask is a simple “SO” and it will work miracles for you.

The fact is that many of us ask it ourselves in the mind. But never bother to ask.

That’s why it should be an auto reply. You would be glad you asked.

But, there are several other factors you got to keep in mind while doing the So reply.

- Keep a straight face.

- Do not pretend.

- Look in the eyes, if the person is in front of you.

- If it’s a facebook update, just reply so and do not add an explanation/question to it.

Trust me, the SO exercise can save your life in many situations than you imagined.

Try it on strangers/people you just met for better results.

The Hindu got it right this time targeting the youth with a pointy edge. But I thought it still had that little dumb factor with it. Why? The “actors” weren’t that convincing. I could spot one of them who was already on a show on Fox Traveller – Life Mein Ek Bar.

However, to imagine how Times of India would take it is even more hilarious. If they were to put up an ad to counter The Hindu’s argument, this would be it.

Click on image for the hi-res version.

But the kind of effort and time that goes behind each customer delight experience is huge compared to what you’re supposed to do and sometimes even unfair to your business.

At this point experts are inclined to conclude that customer delight might even be a waste of time and resources. Matthew Dixon, in his HBR column asks companies to stop trying to delight your customers.

I think he is right in more than one way. Trying the customer delight concept on every customer is probably a waste of time. No definitely is.

He explains that most customers are only expecting companies to find simple solutions to their problems. So its all about managing their expectations. Beyond that is an option but not for everyone. It’s a better idea if only premium or special customers may be. Ones that has potential for a sustainable relationship and other perks.

Nice read. Check it out!

It all started way back in 2007 when I was new to Twitter. I found you at this party where you were chatting with  some of our common friends then. You got my attention at the first sight. You were slick, classy and had this “hey, I’m waiting for you” kind of a look on you. Oh boy, how I loved it! Ever since we met, I couldn’t get you out of my mind.

You know that I gave you the freedom to come in to my cabin anytime of the day with that irky chirp of yours. I never give that kind of freedom to anyone, and you knew it. Although I always wondered why you stuck to yellow and black and a the crow icon, which sometimes I thought was creepy, I overlooked it all for the love you had for me. You made me feel special. You introduced me to your awesome friends and we all had a great time! (These days I don’t find them at all. Are they still with you?)

It was all going good until sometime about last year. You were cheating on me. I found it in the news.

But I got it. It was time to move on, and I waited to iron out the wrinkles. Hoped that we could probably separate out as good friends. But no, you went from bad to worse to the superlative.

Fuck. This was getting to be a waste of time.

And probably you knew that I was at this time, seeing others.

Well, it was obvious now, we had to move on.

But I hear that you had a bad life now and that you’re kinda lost. I pity you. You deserve a better life than this.

Okay, let me be honest with you. I still look forward to getting back with you. You were nice, and I truly cherish the moments we spent. May be we can work things out.

Hope you’re listening.

This whole thing about Facebook and people liking your posts is all about Psychology I tell you. Simple human psychology. Know what’s fascinating about psychology? It sounds silly, and people pushes it aside. But while they do it, they’re actually liking the damn thing – sub consciously! See, I told you..we’re already talking subconscious et al !

First off, you got to understand that…

Facebook is one big conspiracy. Woven on human psychology.

We use Facebook for one simple reason that there is all a pervert within all of us. You want to know what’s happening with the other guy. Of course, “pervert” is a harsh word for seemingly simple things like such but in the name of “friendship”, people lurk around other people’s lives, like how they wouldn’t in real life. So given a chance, the pervert in us, would become active.

And Facebook is that chance. Psychology you see.

So, this thing is not as simple as you think it is, after all.

You got to understand this.

Imagine everyone on your friend list are stalkers. Entice.

Pardon me for repeating this or don’t. But you got to do this to be successful. What would perverts and stalkers like? Lurking around other people’s stuff. Entice them. Become a master at that. Give them stuff they’d like. So much so that they’d enjoy it and at the same time, crave for it. The point? Views. You can almost be sure that they’re stalking around your stuff. Like your photos at the party. Candid stuff. They love it.

Now, there’s a problem (likely) here. The point of our exercise is to get “Likes” isn’t it? But perverts like to stay undetected. A “Like” would be like the biggest mistake they can possibly think of while stalking your stuff. So, understand that they won’t. Which takes us to the next point.

Give them something to bite on.

Something raunchy. Out of the box (metaphorically suggested as their news feeds). Example: That funny video you created with your ex-girlfriend, where you’re singing drunk. Post it on Facebook (not on YouTube). Posting on YouTube will take all the juice out, so make sure you keep it within your court. Show it off very well, so that they are forced to bite on it. After all, a Like is all we want. Remember?

Be alarmingly stupid. Act.

The funny thing about being stupid is that, people who think they’re stupid are not and others who think they’re intelligent are equally not. It’s a relative term. But being stupid is fun. People like you being stupid and doing funny things.

So just be stupid.

Like, post your finished beer can pics. Or your ceiling fan on an Instagram. Anything.

It should be so stupid that even those intelligent folks who might otherwise not post anything (or like) on your updates will be forced to even comment on your post.

Trust me the trauma they will go under for being silent on the stupid things you post is one of the most miserable things you can imagine in the world today, to anybody.

So traumatize them with your stupidity.

Give them no choice. Make them either like you or dislike you.

Nothing in between. Let them not ignore you. Make them feel the pain.

That’s  how clever people do. Why was Rebecca Black the most viewed person on YouTube? Because her video was stupid and people loved to call her “stupid”. Little did they realize that you cannot call someone stupid without telling others. And while they do it, they push the button. And that’s all we need.

Not Stupid? Okay, be original but help someone or don’t be.

Seriously. For those who cannot be stupid, or entertaining or amazingly helpful to others, there’s no chance to be liked. Understand that you’re taking too much space and resource.

Be genuinely helpful, do something nice and human, go visit an old age home, go on the street, buy the homeless some food, go climb a mountain and shout out to the world that you want to help the poor.

Too much to handle? Facebook is not for you, sir.

Because it’s a fact, and facts always irk people. If you’re on Facebook, you’re an addict. You might fall into one of the categories though.

Mild, Casual, Strong & Painful.

Some people believe that facebook is modern day evil. Lucipher’s child.

Because, evil people love facebook. Its apparently the best tool they could’ve ever imagined. Most powerful weapons of the world are stealth, and so is facebook.

It appears very casual fun kind, but beneath the layers lay the hidden evil. The people who actually make use of facebook. Hidden agenda.

Perverts.

They befriend people, mostly the other sex. And that is the plan. They get their fun from lurking around strangers photos. Stealth to the core.

Fakers.

They fake their identities. Even create a whole timeline back from 1990s about who they are. They work in respectable positions (obviously fake), hang out with fun people ( noticeably fake), and befriend celebrities (fake, fake, fake!).

Why? To make you look like a fool.

Ass Holes.

They have a problem with their lives, mostly many. But they don’t fix it. They befriend people on facebook and throw shit on them. Hate speech, problems with your neighbor.

Why you should hate Lady Gaga, why Obama is actually Osama in disguise – these are some of the things they enjoy debating.

Not trying to say that you’re one among the above. No. There is this vast majority including you and me, who are the On Lookers.

Lazy folks.

They have no clue why they are on Facebook, they exist because they do. They are the ones, who get to eat all the shit people throw. They do it with class, gladly, not realizing what they’re at.

But why? Why is Facebook addictive like it is?

There seems to be a secret element behind all successful brands.

McDonald’s, KFC, Pepsi. Lay’s, Weed, Facebook.

1. They’re easily available.

I’d rephrase it to plenty. Painfully plenty.

They’re so much around you that you cannot ignore them. You know that KFC makes you sick.

But you post a PeTA video on Facebook and at the same time have their finger crisps.

Because, if you ignore it, the media brands you as “uncool”.

See, you don’t even like reading about it. Hence proved.

2. They’re addictive like sex.

I’d have liked to say “like charity”. But charity is not addictive, you do it to show off. They’re addictive like the evil things in life are. Weed (semi-evil), alcohol, mayonnaise, sex!

You get the point.

Every time you go to facebook and share that video, its like a “mating call”. And then, you’re friends like it, chew it, post it…you get an almost orgasm. Everybody does.

But why do you share stuff on Facebook? I mean, come on…just look at it. Imagine you’re out of facebook and then you see these kids share silly stuff on facebook, like a picture of your toe, your hair spray, your nail polish, your cat, your knickers, your self shot photos! I mean, why?

Self shots are devil created. Period. The only reason why you would do it is, because you’re suffering from low self-esteem. You’re making your friends forcefully like you by posting that shit.

And mind you, those guys/gals who liked them are only doing it because they’d like it reciprocated. If you don’t, then fuck you – who wants to see your instagram toe nails shot?

Not even your mom.

But as I mentioned earlier, people do it for fun, for self satisfaction.

If you’ve ever smoked pot, you’d know how satisfying it is, no matter what other’s say. Glamorous toe nail shots? Fuck yeah! But some people can be ridiculously entertaining and dumb at the same time on Facebook.

Girls with “duck faces” – Dumb

       Stupid gang signs – Fucking retarded! I mean, we like it when these guys do it.

Or when this guy does it.

But these….?

If you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t fucking do it. Its NOT cool.

Use text language. Like what the fuck, dude? Are you a 21 year old or what?

juz bck aftr a wild d8 wid dis gorgeous gurl, da gurl of ma dreamz.. hey becca, you da bitch!

I mean, how hard is it to write in English?

Know who your friends!

Status updates are called status updates for a reason. Well, its your life, you can do whatever you want but…remember, everyone’s listening, unless you’re a smartass and have your privacy settings perfect.

If you’re stupid, don’t pretend.

 Facebook isn’t a private chat for God sake. 

Everybody’ has the right to make a fool out of themselves. Some fail, some slip through, some do it good. While some, do it exceptionally well. To see them all, hop on to Facebook.

Found this beautiful infographic that shows the differences between animals and human beings. Click on the picture for the hi-res version.

Check out the photos.

Sarah Mason is her name, her age 25 years, and was arrested during protests.

The photo was taken last November by Ted Soqui (Check the blog).

Via

What SRK (or Red Chilies, their digital team) didn’t realize is the fact that if you decide to push your content down the viewer’s throat (like on TV), it never works online. Of course, you get a huge ego boost (and a decent amount of clicks too) when you see your ads everywhere on the internet (I dread those days where every website had a RaOne Ad on Google AdSense). But the user’s will use their judgment to push your stale content away. Now, here is also a chicken and egg question. If your content is good, why do you have to promote it? It would promote by itself, right?

No. “Good content” on the internet is a relative term. Nobody thinks their content is stale. But there are certain ingredients common in a “good content” on the digital space(Internet particularly). Huge hits (We’re talking million views without any spend) on the internet always has the following characters.

1. Simple and easy to digest content – Show it your grandma or a baby and they should react positively to it.
2. Emotional  Quotient -Content that hits the user emotionally in the first 3 seconds or earlier – It should make them either laugh, cry or disturbed in the first 3 seconds.
3. The itch to share – Viewers should feel uncomfortable not sharing the content.
4. The ego gratification – Users should feel happy for sharing the content.
5. Love Hate Quotient – People can either hate or love the content, not ignore it. If they ignore, that means you’re not worth existing.
6. Realistic Feel – It shouldn’t look promotional in nature – SRK’s content were all classic promotion stuff. There is nothing exciting about it. It looks like “made up” for promotion. Bull shit.

There were several viral hits that made it big for its stupid content. The fact is the the content is not ignorable.

You hate it – You share it. You look cool by saying something negative about it.

You love it – You share it. You look cool by identifying yourself with the content.

Kolaveri has got all the basics right. A simple hummable peppy number, peppered with Dhanush and the two gorgeous girls, with a natural looking environment. Note that the video would not have been a hit had the song been a mainstream typical tamil film song, with the same lyrics.

Today, it’s the most successful viral hit where everyone from India and abroad are talking about. It becomes a new learning experience to the Digital Media folks in India, I hope.

Interesting article – Medianama – Kolaveri YouTube statistics